Betrayed by a loved one….

  • November 20, 2016

I looked at her and thought “how could you?”  She was unwavering, almost defiant in her stare.  I buried my head in my hands, let out a guttural cry, and cursed at her.  She smiled back at me almost gleefully daring me to figure her out.  I was positive I had her fully analyzed; she couldn’t make a move that I didn’t anticipate nor could she sneak up on me like she’s done in the past.  She’s hurt me many times before and then slept the sleep of the dead.  “How could she?”


Lately, the relationship has been almost unbearable.  In the past her opinions have devastated me and her actions have dropped me, literally, to my knees.  I was incredulous that someone who supposedly loves me could be so cruel.


Last month I saw my nurse practitioner in my bariatric surgeon’s office and broke down.  She listened and provided support as she usually does.  I left feeling refreshed and ready to battle her again when I returned home.  Instead, I lost the battle of wits yet again.  I told her she was making me sick.  She turned her head from me but I kept telling her what I thought of her.  My stomach was churning and bloated; I wasn’t working out like I should because of the way she was making me feel and she was affecting my ability to control my eating and my stress.  I didn’t think the conversation went anywhere but I felt relieved that I had vented my feelings.


What I’ve just described above is the battle that I go through several times per week—–with myself.  We can be our own worst enemies in our struggle to be healthier and happier.  We step in our own way, we overcomplicate or oversimplify depending on the situation.  Are you alone right now?  Then let me ask you the following questions:  Do you take on more than you should and then you don’t sleep?  Do you soothe yourself in secret with excessive amounts of food because you’re unable to tell people you just can’t do your job and theirs anymore?  Are you afraid to admit that you can’t support your mentally ill, financially challenged family members anymore or your drug addicted friends?  Are you unable to shoulder the burden of caring for your sick parents and your own health at the same time while retaining your sanity?


You’re not alone.  In fact, over 30% of us emotionally eat due to stress according to the American Psychological Association.  The thought is that this statistic is under-reported.  We weren’t meant to be fixers but as obese people we seem to assume that role very readily.    We sacrifice our own happiness to please everyone else and it has to stop if we are going to survive this.  We just can’t be everything to everybody.


My friend semi-jokingly tells me that I need a brain transplant because my surgery was on my stomach and intestines not on my mind.  I’m very human and make no apologies for that and you shouldn’t either.  It’s ok to say you don’t have time to help a friend or family member.  It’s ok to tell your boss that you’re unable to get that project done on time.  It’s okay to get angry sometimes.  It’s even ok to say you need some time off to rest and recuperate from your daily life.  You have permission to be selfish. It is ok.


I urge everyone struggling like I am to get out from under.  You can do this.  If you need help let me know.  Reach out to me here.   You deserve to be happy, free, successful and safe and it’s time that you claimed all of that.

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